


You can't get what you want, but you can get me

by TD84



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dismissal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TD84/pseuds/TD84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The work title is what is said at the start of each chapter.</p>
<p>Loki - Tony - Steve. How could it possibly work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Those were the words he uttered when he thought I was sleeping.

We’d had sex – foolishly: I keep meaning to improve my self control in regards to post battle hormones – and knowing he wouldn’t hurt me then, COULDN’T hurt me then, I had remained next to him on the wasteland which was all that remained after the raging war we had waged upon each other.

It was not the first time.

Nor is it likely to be the last.

Years have passed since the first. Granted, not as many years as it has been since our first war, but years nonetheless. He knows my ambition, he was one of the first in this realm to suffer from it, and though my means have varied since then, he seems ever undeterred from his attraction to me. I cannot say when it started, but I know this: It is as foolish as what springs from it. He knows he is but a passing moment in my life, already surpassed to those parts of my mind (not heart, never heart for something that stands no chance to last, I am not THAT foolish!) where I keep my brief dalliances with those of momentary lifespans.

Still, as so often before him, I notice a reluctance to accept this brush off. I see him delude himself to the point of thinking he can offer me something new, something riveting, something worthy! Me, who have travelled the worlds for millennia, worlds he cannot even fathom.

It’s cute, really.

I opened my eyes, unable, unwilling to let the comment slide. If nothing else because I could not keep a smirk from forming on my lips. His brown eyes remained locked on me, unusually free from that defensive edge, and I knew then that we must have been doing this for too long if that was where it had gotten him. To me, obviously it felt like I had only blinked since that first moment we met in what had then been called Stuttgart.

"I’m serious", he continued, as if I had suddenly lost the perceptive skills I’m known across Asgard for. "Can’t you just… stop? We keep doing this, and it always ends up with us naked. Can’t we just skip the levelling town into ground-part? You won’t succeed anyways."

My smirk stayed in place, being underestimated by lesser beings requires that response.

"Let me see if I can spell this out for you", I began, knowing this talk had been a long time coming.

Admittedly I had liked to see it postponed some more years, but now was as good a time as any, in the end.

"Do you have mayflies in Midgard?"

He narrowed his eyes, and I’d be damned if I couldn’t see some of the defensiveness creep back into them as he nodded. I smiled approvingly before I continued.

"Say you meet a mayfly. An attractive, witty mayfly that surprisingly can hold his own against you. Who amuses you, is very good in bed, and is someone you don’t mind spending some time around when he asks, seeing as you – in comparison – have so much on your hands."

I paused before I continued, maybe to convey that I was in no hurry. Immortals never are.

"Would you, however, abandon your work, your life’s mission, your sole purpose, to be with this mayfly?"

He was upset now, I could tell by the way he stayed silent when he reluctantly shook his head.

"I did not think so", I nodded. "Don’t get ideas, or I’ll be forced to pluck your wings."


	2. Chapter 2

He said the same words as I myself had uttered only days earlier.

Or something to that effect, I wasn’t really listening.

To be fair, the fact that he was still in my presence, in my room, in my bed, was something I was almost unaware of. The sex had been amazing – it always was, always is, especially when I can ignore that it’s the wrong person I’m fucking – but as every other time, my need for him disappears when my hard-on does. He knows this. He’s known it from the start, since he is the only one in my presence that also knows of my latest obsession. I made the mistake of drinking too much in his company after the first time I got divinely laid, and since he himself never gets drunk, he was fully aware of what he got himself into. And since I never NOT get drunk, I hold no responsibility. Jarvis later informed me that not only had I told him everything, the deep, dark desires and my plans to seduce the god, but I had cried.

I must’ve been drinking gin.

That night was the first time we shagged, and I was sure the way I treated him the next morning – like it hadn’t happened –would ensure it was the last. I was wrong.

Say what you will of the many women I’ve one night standed and outright ignored after that, at least they have the basic self respect to tell me to fuck off if I try it again.

Not so much this guy.

He fawns over me, to the point where I half expect the other guys to notice what’s going on. He seems to have it in his head that he is what I need, what I would thrive on and deep down desire would I only take the time to think it through. Can you imagine? Me with a boy scout? A goody two shoes? Someone who eats his greens, and above all someone who doesn’t drink?

I realize he sees in me some project that needs fixing, someone who could flourish with the right tender and care. Problem is, I’m in full bloom already, and I’m fucking awesome! Yeah, granted, I have one big problem, and it is the flat out refusal of one god of mischief to accept that we would be great together.

But that’s just it, I fit together with chaos and grandeur. Not with seamless perfection and humble loyalty.

I looked up from whatever gadget had proven more interesting than lingering in bed and he sighed.

"I’m serious", he continued and I had to bite down a snarky 'are you ever not?'. "He won’t stop being who he is. And we keep ending up doing this. I can’t help but think there is something more to this, to us. Can’t you just… give this a chance?"

I gave him a non committing grin, trying to keep the mood light, though I realized that the fact that he had voiced his feelings proved that I had been dallying in this for too long.

"Cap", I smiled, which he tensed at.

He prefers his name, which I never use.

"We’re colleagues. We fight together. We blow off steam together. I know you, you want a picket fence and the rest of whatever comes with the American dream. I want to tear down the fence and build a robot from it. What we do is fun, but it’s not more than that for me, I’m afraid. Surely, you had sluts back in your day? I’m one of them, I should’ve warned you."

But he shook his head, at which I got annoyed. Truthfully it was because Loki’s words were still burning, the hurt which I hadn’t drunk away yet was still hacking at my insides.

"Then why are you so obsessed with him?" he asked accusingly, the tone of voice only serving to provoke me further. "I bet you’d build a picket fence around all of New York if he asked you!"

I glared at him. He didn’t know the latest, I hadn’t yet drunkenly told him what Loki told me, what he reduced me to. Fact of the matter is that yes, I probably would, but I can’t. Can’t ever.

"There would be no fucking fences! Don’t you get it? You and I want different things! We are different! You are simple, I am complicated! You are kind but dumb, I am clever but nasty! You could not hold your own to me, you never have done, you never will! We shag, since every simpleton can shag, and even a guy who doesn’t understand what electricity is can be fucking brilliant at it! But don’t fool yourself into thinking there’s more to this than that."

I paused, partly to consider going back on my words, to spare him. But it felt too good to share the hurt someone else had caused me.

"Would you get with someone that would never fully understand you? That would admire you from so far below that you probably couldn’t even see them?"

He shook his head slowly, refusing now to look at me.

"I didn’t think so", I muttered, turning back to the gadget. "So let’s just keep doing what we have in common."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write something dark and somewhat emotionally realistic, and also to dive into the Loki-Tony-Steve problematics that got in my head when I wrote my other stories (the That which makes us-series).


End file.
